Nonfiction - Down "There"

Under the previous entry, L'il Ms. Dangerous Curves posted the following comment:

<..[I'm] a woman who can't understand how and why men love to go there [with their tongue and mouth].>

"There" being in-between a woman's legs. I've spent most of the day thinking about this topic, and I wanted to address a couple points.

This isn't the first time a woman has confessed such a thing. Given that so many men and women are uncomfortable with the act (giving and receiving), I guess it's understandable.

There's a couple different topics I've been thinking about:

Why (some) Men Don't Do It.
Why (some) Men Do It.
Why (some) Women Aren't Comfortable With It.

Taking into account the comments I've heard over the years, I think it's safe to assume that blowjobs are more common than cunnilingus.

So. Why don't more men go down on women?

There's a kazillion reasons, but a couple stand out.

- I remember the first time I ate a woman out. I got her off, but it wasn't the most successful of evenings. I wasn't able to repeat the act, and she ended up getting sore. I really had no idea what the fuck I was doing, I had just gotten lucky.

I'd imagine that ignorance is near the top of the list of reasons why men don't feel comfortable going down on women. Let's face it, there's a LOT to know: What to touch, what to stroke, when to suck, what to use the tongue and fingers on... I mean, really. There should be little signposts and streetlights down there, pointing the way.

All joking aside, it's important to remember that Every Single Woman Is Different. Just go find some pictures at one of the million websites, and you'll see what I mean.

The knowledge and ability to perform oral sex is learned, not given. That's why you've got to have open communication with your partner(s). If you can't talk about this kind of thing, you're not going to get anywhere.

- Confidence is sexy.

There is no price tag on giving the impression that you KNOW what you're doing. Sticking your shaft in a woman is easy. Getting a women off with your tongue require work. And given that many women don't feel comfortable letting a man go down on them, regardless of your intentions, you need to make them understand that you CAN do it, and they WILL like it.

Now, it's easy for me to be confident, because I'm arrogant prick. But, I've spent time learning about it, and working towards improving my skills, so the confidence is earned.

I think a lot of guys give it a shot, but aren't always successful. Maybe they're overwhelmed, or feel that "we tried it, it didn't work, let's move along." No no no no no. Don't give up. Ever. The only thing worse than losing is not trying in the first place.

Confidence can be -everything-. How a woman reacts in these cases, is important. Be supportive, and make sure he tries again tomorrow. Or do it with him. Because once you lose your confidence, it's hard to get it back.

- There was a Sopranos episode, where it was revealed that one of the older Sopranos (Uncle "Junior", I think) regularly went down on his girlfriend. Apparently, in that culture, men going down on women is neither appreciated or respected. Specifically, the character was laughed at.

Madness. I shook my head in disbelief. Maybe it's a "male pride" thing? Well, that's a load of bullshit if I ever heard it. Who gives a crap what other people think? If you can get a woman off with your tongue, you'll be appreciated in a kazillion ways.

The thing I like about going down on women, is that they always seem to enjoy doing naughty things more. It's like a slippery slope, of the best kind.

- Then there's fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of looking like a fool, fear of Not Being Able To Get A Woman Off. You add any of those factors with male pride, culture, ignorance and a lack of confidence, and you've got a home-brewed recipe for misery and shame.

No man enjoys looking like a fool.

--

Then there's the flip side.

Why DO guys do it?

- Well, I know why I do it. I'm a kinky motherfucker. I love the taste, the smell, the flavor, the softness of it all.

(Quick note: There are a lot of things that influence the flavor of a woman's pussy, and I'm not qualified to speak to those factors. I will say this, though: Being shaved/trimmed has always made a difference to me. Hair adds a tangy, sour flavor that makes it difficult to enjoy. So, if you're trying to get your man (or woman) down there, consider that.)

Surprisingly, I enjoy the power issues attached to it. Which is odd, because when you think of the image of a guy getting his shaft licked by a woman, you think the guy has the power. Well, I don't know if that's true. In the typical Male/Female scenario where the guy orders the girl to blow him, all the girl needs is a strong jaw, and that guy's going to be pissing out of a stump of the rest of his life. Even if the guy is pushing her head on his dick, who's REALLY in control?

But I know that when I'm going down on my woman, I'm in control. Pure and simple. She might guide my fingers or whisper "Slow down", but I'm the guy leading the way. When my mouth is gently french-kissing her pussy, I've got the power, make no mistake.

(That entire paragraph should come as no surprise to anyone who's been reading this blog. :) )

So, there's the power aspect. That's one reason.

- I get off on pleasing women. Feeling a woman shudder and explode on my face is a pleasure NO man should ever be denied. The knowledge that something I did, made a woman twist in delight, makes my cock throb.

- There's something kinky and forbidden about the act of cunnilingus. It feels dirty, but good.

- I said it before, but it deserves repeating. I love the taste of pussy. I like the softness of the flesh. I like the way it trembles and twitches when I touch it. I like the way your thighs wrap around my head.

Mm.

--

- As to why women don't feel comfortable with it, well... that's trickier. I think part of the reasoning comes from the biological importance of that area of the body. So many things going on down there (I can't even really imagine what dealing with that is like) that women are protective, and/or unwary. Many women don't let men do more than penetrate, and haven't spent enough time exploring it themselves!

I can understand the reluctance. More than once I've been told they think it's "icky". It's NOT icky. It's beautiful, and sexy, and soft, and delicious, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

There's a mental block for some women. Maybe a conservative upbringing or overzealous parents? The Sexual Revolution came and went, but there's still a reluctance to embrace our own bodies and sexuality in today's culture. Fear and shame have something to do with it, but a lack of education about our own bodies is a serious detriment to enjoying the pleasures we've been given.

--

I told the girl I've been dating that I hold lust to be one of the key ingredients of a relationship, alongside trust, communication and love. She's a little minx, and she agrees. I wish people were more open about this, and felt comfortable talking about it. I just want to scream "There's nothing wrong with talking about it!" but than people get more uncomfortable talking about it.

--

I've totally gone off-track, haven't I.

Look, I could go on and on, about why I love doing these things, but here's the short version.

There's more to life than missionary. Or doggie. Or standing in the shower, with one of her legs wrapped around my waste.

It's fun being kinky. Why deny ourselves the pleasure of trying something new, especially when it can be so absolutely explosive?

Sex and lust are our way of sharing with the people we care about and being intimate; Oral sex is a method used to make your body soar, and let the stress bleed away. Why not take advantage of the millions of ways we can do exactly that?

I love pussy.

End of story.

-- The Bastard.