Nonfiction - Catching up

- First off, thanks for all the birthday greetings. It was much appreciated. Turning 30 hasn't had too much of an effect on me, but I feel more like an "elder stateman" around my friends than before; if I wasn't the old guy before, I am now. Ah, well.

- I started this back in October, and belted out almost 20 stories in 2 months+. Since then, I've written maybe half as many. It's always been more difficult to write in the spring, versus autumn; I always have more going on in the spring, and I'm always less motivated, due to the lack of sunlight.

My poor mood is one of the reasons you've seen stories that are a bit darker. The "Alone" stories (and I want to play more with those) are really fucking dark, and the last ("Sleeping Dragon") was a bit sad and lonely.

I'm also running into a problem which I feared from the beginning. In my mind, I've put a block around certain sexcapades or ideas I've had: I've refused to use them here. Some are personal, some are a bit too kinky(not really, I'm just being a schmoe) and some I've never done.

*chuckle* Yes, even I haven't experienced everything.

- I'm not good with happy endings. I know, I know, that's a really sad thing to hear, but it's true. I was explaining to a friend the other day that it's easier for me to write fucked-up endings, than to write happy ones; my happy endings always feel forced, or cheesey. It's very difficult for me to convey a sense of peace or joy, without resorting to cliches or familiar phrases.

Also, there's enough stories with happy endings in the world. We could all use a little more "fuckedup-ness" in our entertainment, methinks. It might just also be the bitterness and cynicism that dwells inside me. Hrm. Food for thought.

- I finally told someone about the blog last week. She already knew about the stories, because I had sent some her way. She hasn't see it yet, but I'll probably be sending her the link soon.

I guess I should also admit that she and I have been, um, getting involved. We're taking our time with things, but I'm looking at the possibility of getting entangled in a serious relationship again. It's been a number of years, since I met anyone that I thought I could really make things work out with.

But, we're both being careful. It's complicated and there is a tremendous amount of baggage to work through, on both sides. You never know what will happen.

Plus, she's got an inner slut, and I've been helping her embrace it. Heh.

- I want to thank all the people who send comments or e-mails about the stories. I know I'm always promising to write more, but it's difficult for someone who's never been good at self-discipline.

That said, I love writing. I was asked last week by a gentleman who I've worked for in the past, and whose opinion I respect greatly, "What do you want to do?". He was referring to my music career, but it almost slipped out:

"I want to write."

It feels good (and bad), to finally know what I should've done with my life. The hard part is how to make it work. I feel like I've been drifting around the truth for years, but I never realized it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, considering it took my mother 40 years to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. My father, also.

Of course, the fact that they hated each other, and had three kids, didn't help matters.

Anyways.

All the positive feedback and comments have helped. Thank you, one and all. I know I've promised to write stories left and right, and I'm going to try to get to them, as soon as I can, I promise.

Thanks,

The Bastard.