Fiction - How did I forget?

My fingers wrap around her neck as I plunge into her. For those first few moments, I'm in nirvana; No matter how many times I sink inside, it's that initial moment of wetness and warmth that makes me love sex.

I absorb her heat, and like so many times before, I press my hips forward, fingernails digging into her neck. Nirvana hits me again, as my body cries out for release. God, I love this.

As the rhythm and pleasure increases, a nagging doubt blossoms into a thought.

Why don't you trust her?

No. No. Nonononono.

No.

My anger, based on a gut instinct that refuses to die, carries over; I channel my rage into lust, and drill my shaft into her repeatedly.

The doubt fades, and I am sated. But I'm furious over my insecurities. My blood is boiling, and I need an outlet. Blindly, I take it out on the nearest object. Her.

My fingernails move from her neck, down her spine, nails digging into her back. She arches and cries out, body opening to meet my increasing thrusts. My face twists into a snarl. Yes, scream out, good.

You don't really know where she was today, do you?

Oh jesus fuck, god. Please. Don't do this. Make the doubt stop. Why can't I trust her?

Because it started wrong. Because she's never given you a reason to trust her.

It's not my fault, is it?

No.

No. I'm not giving into this. Not this. Not now. Why does this always happen now?

My seething emotions are starting to take their toll. Her body is shaking as I pound into her. I've been fucking her as hard as I can, reserves of energy pouring out of me. She's moaning, and her skin is flushed and..

Oh god, I'm using her. I'm taking it out on her.

And she loves it.

Stop fighting this; It's what inside you. And maybe she doesn't know WHY you're doing it, but does it look like she car-

Shut up.

I close my eyes, and take a deep breath.

I need to finish this. Before I lose control.

Now.

I reach around, and slide my fingers into the slight cleft in her flesh. The small bump is found, and my finger swiftly slides over it, then moving up and down.

Just as she likes it. Her body snaps back, as she begins pulsing underneath me.

Yes, this needs to finish.

You need to be honest with yourself. Then with her.

Fuck. You.

"What?" She pants out loud.

Oh christ. Did I just... dammit.

"Nothing," I murmur, stroking her clit faster.

"Ohh.." She groans, head dropping. I bring my hand down into her ass, and she lets out another shriek. I thrust into her again, focusing all my energy to one end.

I need to finish this, before I fall apart.

And then she explodes. I am caught unaware, as her body clamps down on my shaft. I follow suit, releasing pent-up passion, lust, and rage into her body. My cock pumps into her, empyting the precious white liquid she loves so much.

I slide out, body shaking. My mind rattles inside it's bony cage. Right now, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be with her.

Oh god.

I don't want to be with her.

No, you don't.

I look up to her, and she smiles.

"That was amazing," She whispered. "You were just...what happened? All of a sudden, you were just... mmm."

I smile weakly, and nod. I have no words, now do I?

Oh, god. How did I miss this? How is it that love and lust and laughter and hot sex and great fun together aren't enough?

How did I forget trust?

What do I do?

-- The Torn Bastard.